


Sawdust and Tears

by ThornyRose42



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Suicide, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 04:25:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15549570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyRose42/pseuds/ThornyRose42
Summary: What a tangled web these mortals weave:  pluck one thread and watch it all unravel.  The possibilities are endless.  Lucien writes to Daniel about life without Dick Grayson and muses on the power of storytelling.Please note that the suicide tag applies to the Tim Drake chapter.  An explanation is available in that chapter heading, and a warning is also written into the chapter.  It is not graphic, but it is an outcome.





	1. Endless Possibilities

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of these characters, and this is my first time posting. Partially inspired by the Library sequences in Dark Knights: Metal.

To: My Lord Daniel, Dream of the Endless

From:  Lucien, keeper of the Library

 

My most dear Lord Dream, 

What tangled lives these mortals live, to be bound to one another so intricately.  We have seen, in our most recent adventure, the true nature of the bonds that unite them.  How fragile they are!  No one bears more fragile bonds than the Batman.  His bonds with his children strengthen him and threaten to tear him apart.  At your request, I have bound some of these possibilities into the following volumes that will be shelved upon your approval.   

We must, at some point, address the missing volume in the library.  Its absence is most disconcerting. 

Faithfully,

Lucien

 


	2. The Batman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Dick Grayson had died along with his parents?

Wires snap.  Three bodies fall. 

A collective, horrified gasp echoes through the big top of Haly's Circus.  Performers exit the backstage area and watch helplessly as the Flying Graysons fall.  For a brief moment, Bruce Wayne -- billionaire vigilante -- can appreciate the boy's instincts to go limp as he and his parents hurtle towards the ground.  It will buy him an extra three seconds of life.  For it is not the fall that kills someone, but the landing. 

The boy lands with a sickening crunch.  He, along with his mother and father, are dead upon impact. 

Richard John Grayson dies at the age of ten.

A thread snaps.  The possibilities are endless. 

Bruce Wayne -- the Batman -- will be haunted by the sight for months, until some fresh horror replaces it.  He will hunt down Tony Zucco and brutally beat the man before delivering him to the GCPD.  Even Jim Gordon will be shocked by the savagery.  

There will be no laughter in the Batcave.  No mementos of victories won together.  The Batcave will remain barren, functional, and utilitarian.  The Manor will remain cold, looming, and empty.  Batman will continue his crusade with only Alfred as company.  He will trust no one.  He will not bring a child into his crusade.  He will have no one with whom he can identify.   

He will have no reason to trust other heroes because there is no barometer to indicate who to trust.  

But there are other threads that are woven into his story.  


	3. Barbara Gordon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara Gordon wants to make a difference.  
> There are a few ways this could end.

Barbara Gordon wants to make a difference.  She wants to join the GCPD.  There are a few ways this could end.

Her father refuses to support her.  He cannot hire her because of allegations of nepotism.  Barbara decides to take matters into her own hands.  She is frightened of the Batman, but admires his ability to handle criminals.  She creates her own costume and sneaks out at night. Batgirl is born. 

The Batman catches her.  He has no interest in training an apprentice, but he knows that his crusade will continue into other generations.  He trains her reluctantly.  Batman has no experience with young people, and does not know how to connect with them.  He treats her like an adult.  Batman does not want to watch another innocent body fall to their death, so her training is intense.  Despite all the work they do together, Batman does not trust Barbara, and she knows it.  He brings her into his world of distrust and fear.  Barbara is good at her job, but struggles to balance her vigilantism with her humanity.  There is no one her age in whom she can confide.  There is no one who shares her struggles.  

Barbara Gordon becomes a hardened soldier.  Her personality change is noted by her father, but he cannot confront her without being forced to arrest her for vigilantism.  She is shot and killed by the Joker at the age of 26. 

Superheroes the world over suffer because there is no information broker due to the untimely death of Barbara Gordon. 

~

Her father refuses to support her.  He cannot hire her because of allegations of nepotism.  Barbara decides to take matters into her own hands.  She is frightened of the Batman, but admires his ability to handle criminals.  She creates her own costume and sneaks out at night.

The Batman catches her.  He drags her, kicking and screaming, into the Commissioner's office of the GCPD.  Batman tells Barbara's father about her nocturnal activities, and warns Gordon that he will not train her and will not be held responsible for her actions.  Gordon is furious at his daughter.  He sets up a security system in the house and puts bars on the windows of their apartment.  

Barbara Gordon never becomes Batgirl.  Instead, she attends Gotham University and double majors in criminal justice and pre-law.  She graduates with honors and moves thirty miles down river to Bludhaven.  There, Barbara joins the BPD.  She rises through the ranks; a star rookie, and excellent cop.  Her father is not happy, but cannot do anything to stop her since she is outside of his jurisdiction.  

Barbara Gordon is shot and killed three days shy of her thirtieth birthday by members of the BPD acting on the orders of Mayor Redhorn.  Barbara had gathered evidence to bring a federal corruption lawsuit against Mayor Redhorn.  The charges are filed shortly after a federal investigation into the serial murders of BPD officers is launched. Her father is crushed and visits her grave weekly. 

~

Her father refuses to support her.  She understands.  

Barbara knows the dangers of being a police officer.  She also is wary of vigilantes like the Batman, who add more doom and gloom to a city already teetering on the verge of hopelessness.  She wants to inspire hope in the people of Gotham.  What better place to inspire hope than through stories?  Through books?

Barbara attends Gotham University, eventually earning her doctorate in Library and Information Sciences.  She becomes the head librarian for the entire Gotham City Library System.  Her father is proud.  She makes a name for herself by creating Gotham's first bookmobile, and travels into crime ridden areas of Gotham delivering books to impoverished children.  

She never marries.  She dates and almost becomes engaged, but there is no one that she would describe as the other half of her soul.  There is no one who looks at her like she hangs the stars.  Her father is slightly disappointed at the lack of grandchildren, but is proud to hear children describe the library as their favorite and safest place.  

Barbara Gordon is forcibly evicted from her apartment at the age of 92 by Social Services at the request of her landlord.  The landlord claims that Barbara is unable to successfuly care for herself.  In reality, he wants to get rid of her rent-controlled lease and increase the rent for her apartment.  Although she had saved up her money, Barbara cannot afford to spend her elder days in a high-end care facility.  Barbara Gordon dies alone in an overcrowded and understaffed nursing facility of heart failure at the age of 93.  Her death -- and the conditions in which she spent her last days -- spark calls for geriatric care reform.  A memorial plaque is hung inside of the main branch of the Gotham public library.  

~

The death of one sends shock waves through a universe.  It is truly a marvel, my Lord Dream, just how many lives one mortal can touch with their existence.  


	4. Jason Todd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason Todd tries to steal the tires off of the Batmobile.  
> There are several possibilities.

Jason Todd tries to steal the tires off of the Batmobile.

Possibilities diverge wildly from there.

He is not caught and makes off with all four tires.  Being a child, he crows about his success and tries to take on harder targets to replicate the thrill.  Jason Todd is shot and killed at the age of fifteen after he tries to steal Two-Face's tires.  Another dead child is added to Batman's night terrors.    

~

Jason Todd is caught by the Batman, wrench in hand.  Batman find himself drawn to the young man.  He sees potential in Jason; a potential to do some good rather than evil.  Recognizing the crime as an act of survival, Batman takes Jason home and adopts him as his first son.  It is not long before Jason becomes Batman's partner, Chiroptera.  Jason thrives under Batman's tutelage.  He sets the standards for any other Chiroptera that follow.  He lives in no one's shadow, for Batman has no expectations.  

Their rows are legendary, with Jason questioning Batman's decisions regarding use of lethal force.  Batman has never raised children before and demands total obedience.  He is learning as he goes, just as Jason is.  

In some possibilities, Barbara Gordon fights with them.  In others she does not.  In some possibilities, the pair get along.  In others, Jason's temper and use of excessive violence drives Barbara away.  

From there the story remains the same.  Jason Todd is captured by the Joker and killed for the first time in a warehouse.  He returns as the Red Hood, and is shocked to find Batman had killed the Joker and began using lethal force.  There was no one left behind who could successfully convince Batman to do otherwise.  The deaths of Richard Grayson and Jason Todd drive Batman over the edge. 

~

Jason Todd is caught by the Batman, wrench in hand.  Batman find himself drawn to the young man.  He sees potential in Jason; a potential to do some good rather than evil.  An opportunity to atone for his inability to help another young boy avoid a gruesome death.  He takes Jason home and raises him as his first son. Batman keeps his vigilantism a secret.  He leaves the child-raising to Alfred, who gets Jason into therapy to help him with his anger and abandonment issues.  Jason attends Stanford University, graduating with a major in English Literature.  After becoming bored with the playboy lifestyle, he joins the Peace Corps.  When Bruce Wayne breaks his back, Jason comes home and learns his family's biggest secret.  He stays to help Bruce heal then leaves the house for good, angry that Bruce did not trust him -- the eldest child.  Jason never speaks to Bruce again, but does inherit a part of Bruce's fortune upon his death. 

Jason Todd dies of lung cancer at the age of 74, known internationally for his humanitarian work.

~

Jason Todd is caught by the Batman, wrench in hand.  Batman find himself drawn to the young man.  He sees potential in Jason; a potential to do some good rather than evil.  After some investigating, Jason Todd is removed from his home by CYS and placed into a loving foster care home.  The family is Roman Catholic, and Jason soon finds himself called to the priesthood.  He graduates from seminary, and is eventually elevated to the Archbishop of Gotham.  Jason roots out corruption within the Catholic church, insuring that any priest caught molesting children is punished to the fullest extent of the law.  He remains true to his vows, never marrying or having children.  His only vice is is pack of cigarettes. 

Jason Todd dies at the age of 88 from lung cancer.  His funeral mass is one of the most highly attended in Gotham's history.  The seminary renames a dormitory in his honor. 

~

Jason Todd is caught by the Batman, wrench in hand.  Batman throws the boy against a wall and handcuffs him.  Crime is crime, and anyone who commits a crime at such a young age is clearly not an innocent.  Batman knows innocent.  He has watched innocents die in front of him -- the death of Richard Grayson still remains the worst.  Jason Todd is dragged to GCPD and charged with attempted motor vehicle theft.  He is sentenced to two years in juvenile lock-up.  Jason Todd bounces in and out of prison.  He begins dealing drugs at 18.  He is addicted by 19.  

Jason Todd dies of a heroin overdose at the age of 35.  

~

Can a prodigal son remain such if there is no elder to create a comparison?  


	5. Timothy Drake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothy Drake's life is the most interwoven with the fates of others

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF SUICIDE. APPLIES TO THIS CHAPTER ONLY. 
> 
> In the early 2000s run of Nightwing, Red Robin confesses to Nightwing that he had been having suicidal thoughts. The comic was designed to raise awareness, with Dick being supportive of Tim. I'm not 100% sure if it is canon in the Rebirth universe, but would not be surprised if it is. 
> 
> I will NOT be going into any graphic detail, but I will be describing the circumstances leading up to it. Since this is speculative fiction regarding Dick Grayson's absence in the DC universe, it is a possible outcome. There will be a written warning from Lucien before the scenario. 
> 
> If you are someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts: You are not alone; there are others who struggle too and it's ok to ask for help. Keep fighting, and live for the ones who love you. You'd be surprised how many lives you touch, simply by being here on Earth.

What can be said of Timothy Drake, my Lord Dream, is that his life is the most unique of all of Batman's associates. It is so closely linked to that of Richard Grayson and Jason Todd that the fate of one rules the fate of the others. If neither Richard Grayson nor Jason Todd become Batman's partner in crime, than Timothy Drake will not either. For Tim was inspired by Richard's hope for the future and spurred into action by the death of Jason Todd. Of all the Robins in existence, Tim is the first that volunteered. 

Tim Drake will remember the day that Richard Grayson died.  He will remember watching the older boy's body fall before his father covered his eyes.  He will remember the sound of three bodies hitting the sawdust floor of the big top.  Tim's father will rush them out of there before Tim has a chance to process what he has seen.  He will cry into his pillow later that night, weeping for a boy he never knew.  

There is no way to discover the Batman's identity since there are few characteristics that make him easily identifiable.  He must be rich, but Tim's family associates with so many wealthy men of Gotham that the possibilities are endless.  There are plenty of men with Batman's size and build.  The Batman is fascinating but dangerous.  Tim questions the Batman's fear tactics, and knows that there must be a way to counter-balance the darkness that Batman brings.  

Jason Todd never becomes Batman's partner, so there is no one to set the standard.  There is no one to aspire to be, since both the boys who created the legacy never went down that path.

After his mother's death and his father's paralysis, Tim Drake no longer has time to chase childhood dreams of becoming a superhero.  His responsibilities increase, and he becomes the head of his father's company after graduating from Harvard Business School.  He eventually marries and has children.  He dies at 67 of a heart attack. 

~ 

Jason Todd dies.  Batman goes off the rails. 

Tim Drake does his best to get Batman to recruit him.  He confronts Batman and volunteers to be his partner, stating that he could be the light to Batman's darkness.  Batman refuses, stating that he will not risk the life of another child in his crusade against crime.  

Tim Drake tries for two years to get Batman to change his mind.  Batman remains adamant, but continues to push the legal limits of violent force. 

Frustrated, Tim Drake joins the GCPD, first as an IT consultant then transfers to white collar crime.  He notices discrepancies in Wayne Enterprises' ledgers, and begins investigating Bruce Wayne for fraud and embezzlement.  It is through his investigation that he realizes the true identity of Batman.  Tim Drake destroys or alters the evidence to protect his childhood hero.  

Tim retires from the police force at 65.  He passes away in his sleep at the age of 78. 

~

Jason Todd dies.  Batman goes off the rails.

Tim Drake does his best to get Batman to recruit him as his new partner.  He confronts Batman, and Batman accepts.  Tim becomes the new Chiroptera, and undergoes the most intensive training he has ever endured.  He is not a natural athlete nor does he have Jason's fiery temper.  Tim is able to keep up with Batman physically, but finds it harder to create hope and inspire the citizens of Gotham.  He tries to make Batman laugh, to no avail.  Despite all of his training and his proof of loyalty, Batman still does not trust Tim and constantly fears that Tim will die.  Tim eventually quits in frustration and hangs up his cape at the age of 27.  

He becomes an IT consultant, and eventually begins his own tech company that rivals Waynetech.  He dies at the age of 80, a workaholic to the end. Many laud Tim for his drive and work ethic.  Few realize how lonely that path can be. 

~

Please understand, my Lord Dream, that I unwillingly write these next words.  For of all the fates of all mortals, what follows is not one I would wish upon anyone.  I especially would not wish it upon Timothy Drake, whose soul shines bright despite his own tragedies.  I fear that by putting it into words, I am unleashing something more powerful into being, a sinister thought that would corrupt the souls of others.  Please read on with caution. 

Jason Todd dies.  Batman goes off the rails.

Tim Drake does his best to get Batman to recruit him as his new partner.  He confronts Batman, and Batman accepts.  Tim becomes the new Chiroptera, and undergoes the most intensive training he has ever endured.  He is not a natural athlete nor does he have Jason's fiery temper.  Tim is able to keep up with Batman physically, but finds it harder to create hope within the citizen of Gotham.  He tries to make Batman laugh, to no avail.  The pressures of balancing his civilian and vigilante life get to him.  Tim has to be his father's gofer after his father is paralyzed.  He is brilliant in school, but his drive for perfection increases his anxiety.  Without anyone who truly understands the pressures of being a teen hero to talk to, Tim falls deeper into depression.  Alfred does his best to make sure that Tim gets into therapy and on medication.  Foolishly, Tim stops taking his medication once his symptoms abated.  

Timothy Drake takes his own life at the age of nineteen after receiving a C- on a college paper.  All of Gotham high society is shocked.  Of all the mourners at Tim Drake's funeral, only Bruce Wayne seemed the most genuinely affected by the teen's death.   

 


	6. Damian Wayne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We build off of the legacies of those who come before us. What if there is very little to build upon?

Damian Wayne was raised by his mother and grandfather to be Batman's true successor.  That does not change.  

At the age of ten he is still presented to his father, who regards the boy with suspicion.  Damian's first impressions of his father are colored by his father's experiences with his prior partners. 

Batman has no partners, and has never needed one.  Filled with distrust, Batman will reject his son and accuse Talia of lying.  Damian stays with his mother.  He will become a vessel for Ra's al Ghul when he turns twenty-five.  Batman will have doomed another boy to a cruel fate. 

~

Realizing that he needs someone to cement his legacy, Batman takes Damian back to Gotham.  He has no choice but to introduce Damian to the vigilante life.  Their partnership is not that of a father and son, but of a pair of soldiers on a battlefield.  There are no breaks for video games.  There are no bonding moments.  There are no animals in the Batcave.  Damian grows up without a childhood because there is no one there to give him one.  There is no one there to listen to him, or comfort him when the criminal underbelly becomes too much for a child to bear. 

Damian takes over the mantle of Batman after Batman is killed in a Crisis.  He is twelve at the time.  He has documents naming Alfred Pennyworth as his legal guardian instead of his mother.  Damian was raised to take over the Batman legacy.  He intends to do so as his father had done:  alone.

The past repeats.  

~

Batman takes Damian back to Gotham.  He has no choice but to introduce Damian to the vigilante life.  Their partnership is not that of a father and son, but of a pair of soldiers on a battlefield.  He introduces Damian to his partner, Tim Drake.  

They hate each other. 

Damian hates Tim for as long as Tim is a hero.  There is no one there to temper the fights between them.  Even in the worst circumstances, Damian is unapologetic about his contempt for Drake.  Damian expects to be favored due to his blood ties.  Batman cannot differentiate between arrogance and childish bravado.  There is no one to stay his hand or talk him down.  Batman's fights with Damian make his fights with Jason look like petty squabbles. 

Batman does not talk about Jason Todd.  All that remains of Jason is the last Chiroptera uniform that he wore.  He trains Damian harder than he trained Todd and Drake. 

Damian is secretly lonely.  He does not understand Batman.  He wants a father, not a general. 

When Damian does take the mantle of Batman at the age of thirty, he does so over dead bodies.  He is inexperienced when it comes to working with people, and alienates the GCPD faster than his father ever could. 

He makes a deal with the devil to remain Batman forever.  Immortality doesn't faze him.  There is no one that he would miss anyway.  There is no one who would miss him. 

~

What makes a father?  Is it blood or is it bond?


	7. Cassandra Cain and Stephanie Brown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people are loosely tied together.

If we are to be honest, Lord Dream, there are some whose paths would continue down their own road with or without the presence of others.

Cassandra Cain's life is more closely tied to that of Barbara Gordon's than to Richard Grayson.  Yet even still, there would be new possibilities. 

Cassandra Cain remains an assassin.  She would never learn to speak.  It would take her longer to find someone who understands her unique language.  Acrobats, martial artists, and dancers understand the power of the body in motion.  Cassandra would struggle to find her own way in the world.  She will not be able to fully break away from the life of violence into which she had been raised.  She speaks, yet no one can understand her.  

She becomes the most feared assassin in human history.  Much of her life would go unrecorded, including the date of her death. 

~

Cassandra Cain does meet Batgirl and is inspired to be better.  But this Batgirl is harsher, more Machiavellian, since there is no one to temper her worst character flaws.  Cassandra would learn not to kill, but she would not see much kindness either.  Would Batgirl be motivated to teach Cassandra to speak?  Would she see the need to?  Who would teach Cassandra that a hug is a way to show someone that you care?  

Cassandra Cain will leave Barbara's tutelage just before her death.  She will try to hunt down the Joker, only to find that Batman has beaten her to it.  She will be truly orphaned, falling to another assassin in battle at the age of thirty-two. 

~

What of Stephanie Brown, the forgotten Robin?  

Stephanie joins her father in his criminal enterprise.  She bounces in and out of prison before the age of eighteen.  It is Leslie Thompkins who saves her.  She becomes a doctor.  Desperate to prove that her life has meaning, Stephanie joins Doctors Without Borders and is sent to Nigeria. Stephanie is killed during a terrorist attack in Nigeria as she operates on a patient.  She is thirty-one. 

~

Stephanie tries to break away from her father's criminal behavior.  Like many others of the Bat-Family, she begs Batman to tutor her.  Batman refuses.  Without access to Batman's contingency plans, Stephanie cannot start a gang war in Gotham.  However, she takes on Bane by herself in order to prove her worthiness to Batman.  Her body is found in the Gotham River.  She is seventeen. 

~

Stephanie tries to break away from her father's criminal behavior.  Like many others of the Bat-Family, she begs Batman to tutor her.  He agrees, and puts her through the same grueling paces as his other partners.  He is unimpressed by her skills and her naivete.  Stephanie wants Batman's approval, and sets a gang war in motion in Gotham.  

The carnage depends on how many partners Batman had trained until that point.  Stephanie fakes her own death, and permanently settles in Kenya.  She cannot return to Gotham out of fear.  She marries a Kenyan man and runs an orphanage for children with HIV/AIDS.  Stephanie dies of complications from malaria at age sixty.  

~

We are all connected:  to each other and to the universe.  


	8. Loose Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The possibilities truly are endless.

I could go on forever, Lord Dream, discussing the What-Ifs and Maybes of a single life. I could fill a thousand shelves with even the most ordinary of humans. With the extraordinary, the web collapses.

~

Without Robin, Batman does not have a reason to trust Superman. Their friendship takes twice as long to materialize, if it does at all. Without their friendship, there is no Justice League. The Earth falls to Crisis after Crisis as heroes remain unorganized.

~

There are two groups of Teen Titans.  The first serves more as a support group than a fighting unit.  War is a game to these children.  There is no leader who cares about their survival, no tactician to make sure they return to their families. The first group of Teen Titans is killed en masse during the first Crisis they face together. 

The second group of Teen Titans depends on the fate of Timothy Drake.  It disbands upon his death or resignation.  For if one trained by the Batman cannot cope with the challenges of a superhero, who can?

~

A Superman from a parallel world challenges Batman as he tries to disarm Brother Eye.  This Superman argues that Batman should follow him, allow him to merge Superman's Earth with Batman's to create a more innocent, better world.  A world where children are not murdered.  A world where parents do not die in alleyways.  A world where Batman has learned to trust others.

It takes a minute for Batman to agree to Superman's plan.  Why not create a better world, where there are so few good people in his?

~

Gotham City is still a federal No Man's Land.  Batman and the GCPD are unable to restore order once the prisoners from Blackgate escape into the general population.  The city is ruled by a criminal oligarchy.  

~

Bruce Wayne serves life in prison for the murder of Vesper Fairchild.  He has no allies who fight to prove his innocence.  Disgraced, stock in Wayne Enterprises tumbles.  The company is eventually bought out by its competitors. 

~

The Court of Owls is forced to find someone else to be their Talon.  

~

Spyral releases the secret identities of superheroes around the world.  Ordinary citizens are shocked to discover their coworkers and bosses work as vigilantes.  Many are driven underground.  Most are arrested.  Jim Gordon is disgraced and forced to resign as Police Commissioner. 

~

Does he know, Lord Dream, how much the world rests on his shoulders?  


	9. Faithfully Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is as it should be.

Wires snap. Two bodies fall.

Richard John Grayson watches in horror as his parents fall to their deaths.  He does not remember descending the platform.  He does remember the smell of sawdust and the taste of tears.  He remembers the sparkle of light on their costumes, their eyes staring at nothing. 

In the crowd is a billionaire-vigilante who relives the murder of his own parents.  He sees himself in the young aerialist kneeling in the dirty sawdust.  

Bruce Wayne understands.  

He reaches the center ring as the police arrive.  The boy, still shell-shocked, has no remaining family.

Was it Death who stirred his heart?  Was it you, my Lord Dream?

Did Bruce Wayne know, in that moment when he reached out his hand, just how much he was going to change the world?

I remember having a conversation with Death, after she brought me the story of an ordinary woman who died in Australia.  Her words have stayed with me ever since.

I am haunted by humans.

Faithfully yours, 

Lucien

 

Post Script:  It is of the utmost importance that we locate that missing book. 


End file.
